TYPECAST

Typecast...it's a term normally reserved for actors who have found it hard to be cast as anything other than a pretty boy, a man in tights, or the ugly villain. Or for women, many actresses find themselves cast in roles that show off their ASSets without really allowing them to expand their horizons and play the ugly girl that every actress who is striving for an Oscar really wants to be.

Which brings me to a simple question that, unfortunately, does not have a simple answer.

Can a writer/poet be typecast?

For me, my poetry is strictly therapeutic. I don't write poetry to please anyone, but it pleases me when someone can relate to the emotions I've placed on paper. If I don't feel it, I know that my audience won't be able to feel it. I can't write it unless I feel it in my soul. It can't be forced.

Four years ago I went through a painful divorce and I found that the emotions I was placing on paper were so raw, and so heart-wrenching that I couldn't even read them to myself afterwards. To this day I cry if I come across a poem I wrote during that dark time, but I have to remind myself that my poetry and GOD helped pull me through. As my heart began to heal, so did my take on love. I was very cautious. Some could say that I was on the verge of bitterness and it reflected in my poetry.

I can remember vividly, sitting on a couch at the Gypsy Coffee House in downtown Tulsa, and listening to variety of female poets spit on love and all that it stood for. Their male bashing poetry was just what the doctor ordered and the women in the audience applauded loudly while the men cringed and laughed, and clapped, nonetheless because it was damn good entertainment.

The MC gave me a look and I knew that my time to grace the small stage had arrived.

"Finally", he announced, "We have Ebony Farashuu to smooth out the male bashing and show us some love."

I apologized to him with my eyes and then grabbed the mic. I had no love to recite that night. As a matter of fact, the first poem that I performed was simply titled F**k A Love Poem.

The audience gasped. I continued to read my poetry and as I made my way off of the stage I could tell that the audience absolutely loved my poetry...they just didn't love hearing it from ME. Coming from one of the other female poets it would have been WONDERFUL, but I was a lover and I wrote about love and for me to stray from my formula did not sit well with them. Many people walked up to me and told me how much they enjoyed my words but ended their praise with the question, "What happened?"

Love happened. Love ended. Love broke my heart. Performing had always been therapeutic but I was being subtly denied my much needed therapy. Before the end of the night, I was called upon to perform again, but this time, they wanted to hear one of my signature love poems and they wouldn't take no for an answer. I felt forced. I didn't want to do it. I wasn't feeling any love and as I've stated before I can't do anything I don't feel. They weren’t hearing it. They wanted what they wanted, and I, defeated and slightly saddened, gave them what they wanted, but the emotion just wasn't there. I felt as if I'd just stood before a room full of people and faked an orgasm.

It was, at that moment, that I realized I'd been placed in a neat little box and the moment I wanted....no....NEEDED to climb out, my audience though it was wiser to simply close the lid.

TYPECAST

I performed at the coffee house on two more occasions after that night but the thrill of performing was gone. That was four years ago. After a two year hiatus from the stage, I performed again, in front of an audience who still remembered me as a romantic poetess. Luckily for them, I was full of love but what if I wasn't? What if I was still angry? What if I was sad? What if I had a political statement to make?

I have made a vow to NEVER let myself be forced into writing or saying something that I don’t feel in my heart. Its not fair to me, and ultimately, it wont be fair to my audience.

I love standing on a stage, looking out over an audience and reciting the love in my heart, but I want to know that if I'm ever in pain again, I'll be able to share that as well.