Against All Odds 2008 Virtual Book Tour
From Dawn to Dusk
Niambi Davis
Parker Publishing, May 1st, 2008$10.95 US; ISBN-10: 1600430368
Meet Bilal and Ayo, two people who are polar opposites in every way. He’s 32 and she’s 42. Bilal is ready to get married and start a family. Ayo, on the other hand, is a comfortably relaxed, in- her own skin widow with a 20 year old son. And she's certain her child-bearing days are over. Bilal is Muslim, and Ayo is most certainly not. Neither Bilal's father, nor Ayo's son are too happy about the relationship. These two, having nothing in common, would struggle to even hold a conversation, much less fall in love? And after their disastrous first encounter, you’d think it was impossible. Or is it?
Niambi Brown Davis, debut author of From Dawn to Dusk, has asked me this question, "Which of these issues - older woman/younger man, different faiths, disgruntled family members, late in life motherhood/infertility issues - has the potential to wreck the most havoc on Ayo and Bilal's relationship and keep them from walking down the aisle?"
Now, of course, you know that I have a lot to say on everything and when I respond it will be in true Ebony Farashuu fashion. So, check out my response below and let me know if I've done it justice.
MY RESPONSE
Mama’s Got Some Business, Get Some of Your Own!
Oh my God! You just walked in on your mother locked in an intimate embrace with a man who is young enough to be her son! Well, maybe not quite that young, but he’s young enough to be your big brother from another mother and it’s just damned inappropriate! She should be ashamed of herself! What could she possibly be thinking? Perhaps it would be better if she was dating a man her own age! Close your eyes and picture your mama kissing a man with broad shoulders and hair that is neatly graying at the temples. Is that better? Probably not because, let’s face it. You can’t stand the thought of ANY man putting his hands on your mother. I mean after all, she’s only had sex one time in her life and that was for the sole purpose of creating you!
Niambi Brown Davis writes of such a situation in her latest book, “From Dawn To Dusk”. Ayo is a forty-two year old widow and the mother of twenty year old Kidar. In Kidar’s eyes, Ayo has committed the mother of all sins…pun intended. After years of catering to Kidar’s every need, making him the only man in her life and living for him alone…Ayo has the audacity to go out and get a life of her own. To add insult to injury, she’s actually giving this new man in her life some attention. The attention that in Kidar’s eyes, belongs to only him.
Bilal has come into Ayo’s life and reminded her that not only is she a mother…but she is a beautiful woman who deserves to be loved and touched. In Bilal, Ayo has found love, commitment, excitement, and passion. Her son, however, can’t see the new glimmer in her eyes or the new glow that surrounds her. He can’t see the playful pep in her step or the smile that seems to appear more often than usual. He only sees his laundry piling up, meals he has to cook for himself, and problems he has to solve on his own now that his mother is unavailable. Bilal has got to go!
My question to you is when does the responsibility of raising your children end? Boys typically have a hard time seeing their mother with ANY man, including their own father. I can attest to the fact that my son holds a special place in my heart and if you ask him, he will let you know that his daddy is my husband…but my son is my MAIN MAN.
When he was a toddler I vividly remember him showering my face with kisses and I would say, “Woogie, do you love me?” And he would smile and say, “Mommy, you my maaaaiiin man!” It was his way of returning my biggest compliment to him and it was just so cute that I never corrected him. When he was three or so, someone asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said, “My girlfwen’s name is mommy.”
Of course he didn’t mean that literally, but in his young mind, I was a girl and I was his mommy and I was his best friend! Daddy was fun, but mommy just had a way of making everything better. Mommy was da bomb!
Last summer, my husband and I took our children to a CAMEO concert. I jumped out of my seat and started dancing when they started singing “Single Life”. THAT’S MY JAM!!! When Larry Blackmon, in all his red cupped glory, said, “Single Ladies Clap Your Hands…” I was clapping along with all of the other women. My little boy, who was nine at the time, snatched my hands down and said angrily, “You’re not single!” Everyone around us started laughing but it wasn’t funny to my son. He was serious. It was his way of protecting his father’s interests as well as his own.
So what if something happened to my husband and I was left to raise my son and daughter alone? The very thought of it sends chills up and down my spine!
We tell our children that no matter how old they get, they will always be our babies. My mama said it to me and I say it to my kids all of the time. “I don’t care how old you get…you’ll always be my baby. Even when you have babies of your own…you’ll always be my baby.”
So when they ARE grown yet still our babies, it’s so hard for many men and even women to understand that, just like them, their parents are deserving of a life outside of their immediate family. And while the resentment and feelings of abandonment are understandable, isn’t it more than annoying to hear a grown man complaining about his mother going out on a date…a complaint he often makes while he is out on a date of his own?
Grown children I have a newsflash for you. You have a life because your mother made sure of it. She prepared you for all aspects of life but one…she never allowed you so see how lonely she was throughout the years. She always smiled her way through the pain and she always made you feel as if you were all that she needed. We were not put on this Earth to be alone. We were placed on this Earth to love and to be loved. It’s the only way that the human race can survive. A child’s love is a wonderful thing and the rewards are great….but what is your mother supposed to do when you leave and find a grown up love of your own?
I pray that if I am ever placed in this situation, my children will be understanding and will actually want me to be happy independently of them. I was always thrilled when my mother found love because it meant that she was happy and in my mind, when Mama was happy, the world was a better place. I loved to see her smile…still do. But for those you who have grown children who call you selfish for finally deciding to try and find your own happily ever after…
Tell them that you love them, tell them that they are still your babies, and then hang a sign on your front door that says… "DO NOT DISTURB. Mama’s got some business; get some of your own!”
